Ten Reasons Why Teachers Are Not Important To Society (Or me)

Posted: Saturday, September 17, 2016. 8:18 a.m. CST.

By Giselle E. O’Brien: They say those who can’t, teach.  In this article, I would like to share ten reasons why teachers are not important to society.  (Disclaimer: This article is not for the satirically impaired)

1. Teachers are only responsible for the education of the upcoming generation.
   It’s not like teachers are reducing crime on the streets or treating accident patients in the emergency room.  Teachers don’t defend criminals in court, build roads, or erect massive sport complexes that are not properly maintained after five years.  No! They are only responsible for a generation of snotty-nosed brats who are making zero contribution to the nation of Belize.  Children don’t work, or contribute financially to the nation of Belize.  Maybe they will in the future, but that’s for us to think about when they are over the age of eighteen and unable to find or maintain a steady job.
2. The content of the curriculum is filled with nonsense that children will never use in life.
   Truth is it’s not necessary to know how to write a proper sentence without sentence fragments. After all, only unstable, emotional people become writers.  We don’t want our children to be unstable, emotional adults.  So say no to English! Besides, we talk creole, so let’s write in creole.  Plus, when in life am I ever going to need to find ‘x’? Certainly not when the government says they will increase salaries of public servants by six percent, and my government-issued salary is a measly $1300bzd a month.  Nah! I can just wait for my paycheck to come in to find out how much that six percent will be, and how much more is taken out for tax or social security.  And don’t get me started on Social Studies, because the good Lord knows the Treaty of Versailles has absolutely nothing to do with me!
3. Teachers do nothing to address serious issues in the country, like crime, drug trafficking, or gay people.
   Come on people! When was the last time you saw teachers with guns running into a home in south side Belize City, breaking down the door and arresting all the drug dealers and murderers? They don’t! Seriously? Why do we need them? It’s not like they are sitting in a room somewhere teaching right from wrong, administering discipline and encouraging and supporting children who eventually grow up to be potential criminals and drug-dealers. Get with the program people! Teachers don’t teach moral values and ethics to criminals; they only teach brats!
4. Teachers only work for seven hours a day.
   Totally unfair! The rest of us are sitting behind a desk for at least eight hours, using our amazing tech abilities to click likes, and teachers get to have an extra hour off.   I don’t care that they are constantly on their feet, walking around a room, making sure one of the twenty-five to thirty-two dwarfs they teach is actually doing their work.  Who cares if they barely get a lunch break because they have to monitor a hundred plus children on the playground who may or may not run over one of the smaller kids or have an accident?   Oh! And he/she better make sure my child passes PSE, even though I don’t pay any attention to her homework when she gets home.  It’s the teacher’s job to teach, not mine.  Maybe if they weren’t home grading papers, planning lessons and thinking of innovative ways to impart knowledge, they could spend an extra two hours in school doing my job as a parent.
5. Teachers tell lies.
   There is absolutely no way my angel is a bully. He is adorable! When he hits me, he does it with an adorable smile and we all laugh.  My brother taught him how to say “fuck” and it is the cutest thing.  Teachers just want to blame their lack of discipline on my baby.
6. Teachers don’t raise my children.
   All they do is spend seven to eight hours a day with my child for at least twelve years of their life. Besides, between volleyball, swimming lessons, dance classes, after-school assistance and weekends, when do teachers have time with them?
7. Teachers don’t have lives.
   Their job is teach my child and make him smart. Teachers don’t need money for that. They don’t have families of their own.  I read somewhere that teachers are the loneliest denominations of society, and that’s why they teach.  So why do they need decent salaries? And let’s not even mention health insurance.  It’s not necessary! Teachers don’t get bladder infections from holding in their urine because they have to monitor the children and can’t leave the class alone.  They don’t suffer from dehydration, damaged voices, back pain, bad posture, damaged feet, blindness, diabetes or deficiencies due to overwork, too much time standing, too much time reading, late nights or any other factors.  Teachers really just need to get over themselves.
8. Teachers are creative people, and society doesn’t need creative people.
   Listen… if you aren’t good at Math, English or Science, we don’t need you. It’s simple as that.  My job is more important that some woman sitting in a classroom drawing a fish.  Creativity does not pay the rent and there is no room for it in society.
   Never mind that I learnt my ABC’s through song, or that I had a better grasp of percentages using pie charts.  All students learn the exact same way – by listening to the teacher talk and falling asleep on their desks. Do I like music? Of course I do! But that’s for people for Machel Montano and Verge of Umbra to do. They aren’t real people – they have talent.  Teachers don’t have talent and therefore shouldn’t sing.  Or draw.  Or dance.  Look! Just keep creativity out of schools.  We don’t need it.  We can just suppress the creativity of our children and make life easier.
9. Teachers don’t need money for their classrooms.
   Utter rubbish! Schools don’t need to be painted.  Posters for what?  School supplies? Don’t I buy that for my kid already?  Well she doesn’t need glitter and markers, just the basic pencil and notebook.  What will she use for projects at school? Well the glitter and markers at school… duh!  By the way, don’t forget to give her extra toilet paper when she uses the bathroom; she likes to wipe with a thick wad.  Oh! And I forgot to put her crayons in her school bag today, so you’re going to need to give her some.  If she doesn’t return the supplies, I’ll just add them to our collection at home.  You replaced them with money from your paycheck?  Well aren’t you just stupid.
10. Teachers get two months of vacation every year.
    See this right here, I don’t get. Why do teachers need two months of vacation? Burn out? What is that? Please! Teachers don’t get burnt out from teaching so many children.   Children never give trouble.  Oh! So they do workshops? And curriculum design? Yearly planning? Editions to their teaching strategies? Do teachers even have strategies? Why can’t they do that during the school year?  What do you mean by “too busy actually teaching”? Look… just get your arguments out of my face.  Teachers don’t need vacation. What they need is to just keep my child so I don’t have to deal with them.  Thing done.

The views expressed in this article are those of the writer and not necessarily those of Breaking Belize News.

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